i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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