Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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