My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
