Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
