420 ftw
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
