look no pants
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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