Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
