these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
