you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
