Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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