Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
