I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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