there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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