That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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