Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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