i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
