Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
