I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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