I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
