it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think i peed on brittanys purse
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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