i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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