Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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