does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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