Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize