My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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