It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
