K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
