Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
