remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
