On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
