i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
