she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
