I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
