I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
