I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
