apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
