sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
