the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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