Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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