my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
