the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
