I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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