3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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