Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
