Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
