Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
