Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
