When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
