take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
