i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
