Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
