Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
