I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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