fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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