There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
