is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
