Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
