Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
