Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
