It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
