my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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